Since the last time I posted, the Tenzing Juggernaut has been put through it's post Christmas paces - We've been fired-up, gunned, tuned-up , greased, tinkered with "under the bonnet" (!), kicked in the Puds and made all together more damn hungry that we were before; absolutely nothing to do with the pub being shut, either.
Last Saturday we descended on to G-Unit's house in rural Oxfordshire for a unknown get-together and an unknown workout, held in an unknown location; the details of which can not be disclosed. Sufficed to say that the cage in the The Deer Hunter was a Butlins Clam-Bake compared to this. A cross country run got the blood pumping, some had blood pumping slightly more than others and the run stretched on for many miles interspersed with cardio activity which had many of us face down, in the cow sh*t, gulping for air.
Next, we were jumping into the cars to said secret location for further close examination of where we were in our fitness. Serious Hard work. The sweat combined with some anger and, in some instances, blood was literally seeping down the walls of our "secret location" as relentless shuttle sprints took place followed by acute, cardio activity which basically started at 2pm and finished at 7pm.
Our thanks must go to Gun Sgt XXX and Staff Sgnt XXX of XXXXXXXXXXX Battalion for putting us through what was probably the best way to lose weight since the Guillotine. This was also a test on Tenzing's resolve and being able to handle intense pressure in a specially designed programme of activity, originally, as we discovered, designed for the French Foreign Legion and to see how the head-cogs work whilst being put to the test under constricting conditions. A resounding success would be my verdict and an excellent lesson. I'm glad we did it but I'm glad I can at least feel one of my legs now. I just hope Hillary have put themselves through similar programmes; I'm sure that they have.
The following day was a slightly more relaxed affair; most of us slipping into unconsciousness at about midnight the night before with one or two of us crying ourselves to sleep. G-Man had the Snorkers under the Old George Formby early doors and once these were wolfed down it was into the customary 4X4's for a yomp, up and over a particular section of the Chilterns. On "Maps" were G-Man and Kinsey and the rest followed up, taking the air and discussing Tooves' ice cream from the night before and what the waitress had to "flick" if he didn't eat it, or something like that. Our aim was to yomp, at a good lick, for about 30km and to be on the road Home for about 4pm, dispersing in our various directions. The day was great fun and hard work combined. Several times we came across deserted Pikey campsites that just simply reeked of teen slasher movies ; Tooves was quickly and ceremoniously put on "Point" for these inbred-ly tricky sections; so should the anticipated "Leatherface" turn up with his chainsaw and unfortunate facial rash, we could offer Tooves up as the Starter and the rest of us could run for it.
The following day was a slightly more relaxed affair; most of us slipping into unconsciousness at about midnight the night before with one or two of us crying ourselves to sleep. G-Man had the Snorkers under the Old George Formby early doors and once these were wolfed down it was into the customary 4X4's for a yomp, up and over a particular section of the Chilterns. On "Maps" were G-Man and Kinsey and the rest followed up, taking the air and discussing Tooves' ice cream from the night before and what the waitress had to "flick" if he didn't eat it, or something like that. Our aim was to yomp, at a good lick, for about 30km and to be on the road Home for about 4pm, dispersing in our various directions. The day was great fun and hard work combined. Several times we came across deserted Pikey campsites that just simply reeked of teen slasher movies ; Tooves was quickly and ceremoniously put on "Point" for these inbred-ly tricky sections; so should the anticipated "Leatherface" turn up with his chainsaw and unfortunate facial rash, we could offer Tooves up as the Starter and the rest of us could run for it.
I wanted to follow Butler as he had the wine-gums.
Anyone who has ever walked sections of the Chilterns will know that there is no in-between here. It's either Fenland flat or completely vertical and some of the "up" sections of the yomp were furiously intense. One climb that led us up to Bledlow Ridge CC (a great club by the way and one my club Preston CC plays the last day of their annual tour) was very hard work and it gave us an idea of what your legs may feel like; this combined with the oxygen depletion we will experience gave us an idea, albeit small, into what conditions over certain sections could be like. Another plus is the amount to see in the area - landscape, wildlife, etc. The countryside is about as good as inland Southern England will be able to throw at you. Red Kites were bred by the RSPB and released here a few years ago and there are literally hundreds now gli..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Sorry, sent myself off then.
Anyone who has ever walked sections of the Chilterns will know that there is no in-between here. It's either Fenland flat or completely vertical and some of the "up" sections of the yomp were furiously intense. One climb that led us up to Bledlow Ridge CC (a great club by the way and one my club Preston CC plays the last day of their annual tour) was very hard work and it gave us an idea of what your legs may feel like; this combined with the oxygen depletion we will experience gave us an idea, albeit small, into what conditions over certain sections could be like. Another plus is the amount to see in the area - landscape, wildlife, etc. The countryside is about as good as inland Southern England will be able to throw at you. Red Kites were bred by the RSPB and released here a few years ago and there are literally hundreds now gli..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Sorry, sent myself off then.
Anyway, it's pretty stunning and I would recommend a hike if the desire takes you one day. You must also go and see the "Christmas Decorations" house from Hell itself; that nestles in Beacons Bottom. The property that single handledly brought about the housing crash, the Great Depression and sunk the Titanic.
http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&rlz=1G1GGLQ_ENUK317&ei=eh2oSaa8GYS2jAf7_5n0Dw&resnum=1&q=piddington+stokenchurch+map&um=1&ie=UTF-8&split=0&gl=uk&ei=fR2oSYPMLtSujAeBgbXbDw&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&resnum=1&ct=title
Our idea for a pub lunch hit some unexpected turbulence as we made our way from pub to pub to pub due to unforseen people issues and, finally, we stumbled upon a quaint little place; nestled off the road; with a fine selection of spring ales, oak beams that one had to duck underneath, some old poachers blowing roll-up smoke in each others face in the corner, a game of cribbage in the gloomy, comfortable snug and Romany Folk rubbing the communal Rubbings - actually it was an Indian "all-you-can-force-feed-yourself" buffet called the Mowchak, which , in hindsight, was just what the Doctor ordered. Forget your choice of Roasts with accompanying side order of vegetables - the Lads wanted luke-warm Bhuna's, ........and pronto.
A great weekend and thanks to G-Man for getting this sorted and for letting us bludge on his floor for the weekend. I think those that could make it found it really useful and a great opportunity to get to know each other a little more and put "everything" through some serious pain.
Last Tuesday the Everest Test had its Umpires Exam back at Caterham School. Stories have bounded around the various email systems of the six of us, all week. Due to the trains being even more inefficient than usual, I never made it. The following morning my apologies were sent to the five that did make it. Apparently, it wasn't the comfortable walk in the park that we all thought it would be and from what I can gather; it was very tough. It seems that when the Teachers on the course kept on saying "This will never happen" and, " Don't worry, I have only ever seen this happen once in 100 years of umpiring", what they actually meant was, "make sure you learn this bit backwards as 99.7% of the exam will be based on the ludicrous piece of"shammy" law that never, repeat, never ffking happens". It seems that this caught some of us unawares, unsurprisingly. Obviously, in hindsight, I now know little about what to expect and I am now booked into a similar exam far more locally to me on the 10th March. Fingers crossed.
This coming weekend is a rare chance to catch-up with everything else, which I am looking forward to. I will take my daughters swimming and within 20 minutes will probably wish I was being beaten with a sh**ty stick again, half way to hell, as I was the week before, no doubt. A "shin-splint" has kept me off serious work-outs this week but I will back on the horse next week and the ever omnipresent Bath Half still looms.
On a more sombre note, I received some bad news while away last weekend. My cricket club lost a real friend and close supporter over the weekend after a short illness, which I think has knocked us all a little as far as I can gather, so I will be catching up with members of the club too. The Funeral is on the 9th March so I have made my apologies for my absence on the 9th.
Next Sunday, Tenzing will be seeing how good Mike Preston's cooking is.
Footnote - we have also just been informed that ITN will be sending a cameraman on the expedition and there will be regular slot on the nightly ITN news while we are away. Sensational.
Keep you posted.
Keep you posted.
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