My photo
Mark is a 35 year old, ginger-haired and now fortunately balding, village club cricket player. An opening inswing bowler that doesn't swing it any longer. He wrote a Blog two years ago when preparing for a game a cricket on the flanks of Mt Everest and was told to carry on writing it.

Tuesday 24 March 2009

Small Pub, Big World

I was having a diet, bio-power, nutro-Carling last Friday in my local and was speaking to our new landlord, Ray, when he slapped his forehead mid-sentence and ran off in the other direction.
>I had showered.
>>I had brushed my teeth before going to the pub.
>>>My body odour is usually not too unpleasant but I do sometimes have a spittle issue when talking to people in an enclosed space; it's like a defence mechanism - a warning to other tiddly people in uncomfortably loud and close environments not to get to close and that it's their round. Ray came back and pushed a small business card in my hand.

On one side was a hand-written note - "To Mark Waters - wishing you luck and thanks very much". One the flip-side was a smart livery in instantly recognisable colours with the name John Hooper CBE embossed on it - Chairman of the Lord's Taverners. I was speechless. Small world doesn't come close and having been a regular in the Red Lion for years I was unaware that John had been in before. Apparently he had seen my poster in the pub and realised that a member of the team going up Everest to raise money for the Lord's Taveners actually lived in the small Hertfordshire village he was enjoying a pie and a pint in. Amazing and if you ever read this John, many thanks for your encouragement.

The evening carried on as I was getting into my training a little more and a good friend of mine came in with a group of his mates. Introductions were made and conversation started to organically grow as the evening moved on. Everest was mentioned; the story unfolded and it turned out that the person I was talking with was George Powell's sister (George is the official photographer on the expedition) - my training had gone rather well up to that point and I have to admit that I have forgotten her name - sorry George and sorry George's sister. Apart from the fact that the evening had just taken another Twilight Zone twist and that it really was too coincidental to believe at the time; she also knew about everything I was talking about. The Fantasy Farm Challenge, the Bath Half, the pain, .....................the lot.

It had turned out to be a very strange but hugely enjoyable evening. I was reluctant to leave but I think I had had enough training for a Friday night.

Next Saturday is the last get-together for the group before the final rundown to the 9th. It is seriously amazing that we have reached this stage now. When I'm asked when I am off it is staggering to hear myself say that we are off in about 2 weeks. Quite a bit to do still. North Face need to see me again in Covent Garden after my lengthy visit last Saturday; which I am sure they are looking forward to. I must say that the service I received from the staff at North Face was superb and nothing was too much trouble - I probably monopolised about 6 people's time for over an hour - me, me, me. They genuinely wanted me to walk out with gear that will see me right and that I can use after our return; apart from the Bacofoil jacket that made me look like an extra that gets shot and falls from a high level walkway, whilst executing a perfect triple-salco, from a rubbish Bond Film. They realised that this stuff is a considerable investment and will make the trip far more enjoyable. Anyway, apparently I look the nuts in my Tangerine Himalayan jacket (which surprisingly blends in with my hair) and my red and green Campri strides and my blue, lobster fisherman's jumper ............................. hiddeous but practical. Like a walking flare...........................................................joke by the way. Although my Nuptse jacket isn't "bright" bright; I don't think there will be any chance of me not being seen by satellites, either.
Big thanks again to Dave C for setting this arrangement up.

The next few weeks will fly past and I reckon that will be the same whilst we are out in Nepal. I've got to remember to occasionally stop and "smell the flowers" while we are out there as it will be over all too quickly.

A good friend who has completed the trek has also given a small insight about what to expect - the stars in the evening, the unbelievable views and the people were high up on his list of things to experience and get under the skin of. This will carry you over the hard work. I'm sure it will.
I have cut'n'pasted his email as I think with a venture like this every little helps.
Weather:
The weather when I was there was perfect - not a cloud (we were above most of them!). Check the internet but the best times for the trek tend to be UK spring and Autumn - that's when the summit attempts tend to take place as the weather is best. You should be prepared for wet weather though, and just like UK winters, if the weather is good it can often mean it is colder than if there are clouds about.

Clothing:
My advice is layers! It's really really cold at night and in the morning (up to -25). Get yourself some good thermal underlayers for a start. Then non-cotton t-shirts (available from most trekking shops) as they are warm but dont stay wet (as you will undoubtedly get a sweat on with all that walking!) Next layer should be micro-fleeces. They are really light, easy to dry and full zips at the front make it easiest to adjust temperature. Finally, waterproof clothes are a must (coat, trousers and socks). Even if it isn't raining, they are a really good barrier against any wind or moisture and you will be staying in cabins with no heating. Hats, sunglasses, gloves and a scarf are all a must as well. Really try to avoid taking ski jackets or salopettes as they are too big and heavy and you'll get too hot as you walk in the daytime sunshine!

Footwear:
It's really important to get a pair of walking boots which cover your ankles. Some people will tell you that you could walk to base camp in trainers - which is true. But no.1 trainers aren't waterproof, and no.2 any slip on the way and you really risk hurting your ankles (hence the importance that they are covered!) It is also really important that your footwear is waterproof (for obvious reasons). My final piece of advise is to go to boots and get 'Compeed' blister plasters. If your shoes give you blisters (like mine did!) put the Compeed on the night before you walk - it will last for days and should stop you getting blisters in the first place! I wouldnt have made it without Compeed!!

Accessories:
Trekking poles are also a must and really help (particularly on the way down). A head torch is a really good idea as although you should never be walking too far at night, it is a key piece of kit. Also, get some iodine drops to purify water and anti-bacterial hand cleanser. Other than that, survival basics like a pen-knife, lighter, compass, whistle etc are a good idea. You should never have to use them, but it can't hurt to have them with you (and cause amazement among any Nepali children that you see along the way!)

How hard is it:
The short answer is very hard. I assume your trek will be around 15 days. The best way to prepare is to do what your doing. Go walking for long distances and take a heavy pack on your shoulders. In reality, porters will probably carry most of your gear, but without altitude to train at, a heavy pack is a good way to condition yourself.

Altitude :
As for altitude, you will certainly feel it! It is a very strange sensation, and can be panicky at night when your breathing really slows and you wake up gasping. The thing to remember is that it is normal to feel the altitude but to make sure that you are aware of the symptoms of altitude sickness. The fact is that you will get many of those symptoms to some degree or another (tired, headache etc), but it is when these symptoms are severe that it is dangerous. Key things to help you are:

1. Go slowly - I can't emphasise that enough - every breath you take at a lower altitude on the way up will help you to acclimatise. Don't feel pressured to walk anywhere fast. The slower you go, the better your chances will be!

2. Trek high, sleep low - This is followed in the Himalayas almost always, try to sleep lower than your maximum altitude each day

3. 300m a day - Try not to exceed climbing more than 300m a day in terms of sleeping locations

4. Keep your guide informed - If you don't feel great, let your guide know. They will all be well versed in the symptoms of AMS, but it can't hurt to have a professional watching your back

5. Diamox - Really controversial one this. You can buy it in almost any Kathmandu pharmacy and, as you probably know, it is designed to combat AMS. The key is, never self prescribe it! Have it with you, but if you need to take it, that should mean end of trek and descend. If you feel that bad, let your guide know, tell him that you want to take Diamox and get his opinion. If you take it too soon, it won't work, and if you get worse, it will have no effect.

I don't know anyone who hasn't suffered from the altitude (apart from the Sherpas!) You will feel it and parts of the trek will be very hard - but the end goal is worth it! :-)

How to get the most out of it:
It still is the most amazing place I've been or thing I have done. Much more enjoyable than Kilimanjaro or any other trek! The landscapes that you go through are breathtaking, from rivers and villages near Lukla, to the rocks above the treeline. The people that live there are by and large buddhist, and you will see the 'eyes of the buddha' looking at you from the 'Stupas' along the way. The mountain views are amazing and the stars are breathtaking. As hard as the trek can be at times, especially the altitude, the scenery is astonishing and certainly adds motivation when it gets tough.

As for the people, the sherpas are great. Really fun and unbelievalbe climbers (all about 5 foot and will overtake you on the route with fridges on thier head - literally fridges!) A deck of cards is often a good idea as the Sherpas love to learn games etc.

All in all I'm jealous! You'll have an amazing time! Nepal is a great country and the trek is phenomenal. Good luck and good luck with the record (I think a shortened run up might be an idea!)

Apologies if I have rambled too much above!
>That's OK James.

Keep you posted.

Friday 20 March 2009

A Good Night.....

We're Off, basically.

Last night saw every man, woman and animal from The Everest Test 09 descend upon London's glitzy Soho for the official launch for the official countdown to the official OFF. Officially.

It was also a chance for mates back home to get more involved, contribute to the overall bonhomie and get a feeling about the gravity and potential of this project now. A lot of hard work had obviously gone into the evening and public thanks to the Events Committee for putting on a great show. Certainly if the comments from my gaggle of mates was a good feel for the overall consensus on the night; impressions were very high indeed.

Walls were covered in alternating pictures from the many events taken place all over the country in the last 9 months or so. There's nothing better than walking into a place like that, with a group of your mates, get given a glass of what can only be described as lychee flavoured kerosene (marvellous by the way), and seeing a picture of my ginger Fat-Head with all its chins taking up the entire wall space. I think my wife's first knee-jerk comment was "uurghh", or something like that as if she had just trodden in a pile of dog-doo. That felt special.

It was great to meet Neil Laughton briefly; the expedition's Patron. I was somewhat in awe of the great man and I'm quite sure I was two sheets to the wind when we chatted briefly but it was great to shake the hand of a genuine legend. I think I'm going a little deaf too as although I realise that these places are hardly quiet; I find myself lip-reading these days a great deal as I genuinely can't hear shit. So I hope when I was crapping on about the Bath Half Marathon it was making sense. It wouldn't be the first time my lip-reading / I can't hear anything techniques have taken me down a conversational wrong way. Apologies if I was indeed talking the proverbial.

Unfortunately, with a babysitter ticking into triple over-time and the fact our last train was impending we had to leave well before stumps but all I can say is that is was a great night. I left with a plastic bracelet cutting off my blood-supply to my right hand, people getting well greased , smiling faces all around and Toovey "dancing" / trying to stay upright and balancing about 8 bottles of beer; you didn't need to be an Aboriginal tracker to say it was probably going to be a great final couple of hours. He didn't spill a drop either. Missed the raffle but if my usual success at cricket club raffles was true to form I could probably live without the Peek Freens shortbread, the can of De-Icer, the Mandarin Whisky, Timmy Mallet's Greatest Hits or the homemade pineapple upside-down cake, on this occasion.

A fitting send-off for the Everest Faithful as they embark on this monumental and record breaking trip.

Keep you posted.

PS - Don't forget Mothers Day.

Tuesday 17 March 2009

A Good Day..



Simon Tonui - Winner Bath Half 09 - one of the best running students I ever had



Errrm. Yup.

Seriously. Can't feel my legs still. Honestly, numb from my child-bearing hips, down. Nothing. Zip. Nil.


What a day. The Bath Half was like a demonic presence in my Everest diary and that every time I thought about it, I wretched. Like in the films when the inexperienced cop was shown the mauled body as the experience cop swishes the blanket off in the Morgue; or like when people came round to my University digs to try out my cheese-fondue all those years ago. Running is bad enough but 13 miles of it, it what turned out to be the hottest day of the year, was hard going and the thought of me doing that a year ago would have been preposterous. My Brother originally suggested it to me many months ago as it would be a good target for my fitness regime to aim for. When I heard that the Everest Test was also thinking the same thoughts there was simply nowhere to hide. Nowhere; and when on Sunday morning we were sitting round his kitchen table; him with a ripped ham-string and me with my ankle and both with very sore heads, the idea of running twice round Bath City Centre and adjoining industrial estates seemed a ridiculous notion. At 9am having been given 2 minutes on the kitchens egg-timer to make our "ffking minds up" -(wives), we decided to take the plunge. Bollocks to it.

I was staggered by the sheer numbers of people milling about; all stretching, queuing for the khazi's or looking for the microscopic free Lucozade van. So many people of all shapes, sizes, and ages and I started to feel just a little better about my chances. The delay of half-an-hour I think put most of us supreme athletes, on edge though. It was like the firing squad just having one last pint before they come outside and blow your brains out.

I had also met up up with some (but not all) of the guys from the Everest Test and Cuzza threw me my Everest Test shirt and a proud feeling was felt. Soon to be followed by a feeling of acute asphyxiation and blood flow loss as the XL top was stretched over my guts as one would stretch cling-film over a half-eaten Christmas ham. However, it felt good to put on an official top like this , I was unable to be at the press-launch and so I haven't had the chance to wear an official piece of kit. It was great to also see that everyone was up for this and to see a few of the guys in full wicket-keeping / batting gear with bat was astonishing. My usual flurry with the bat for my customary 4 at the end of most innings is enough to give me substantial chaff-age but running 13 miles in it is worthy of a Queens mention.

The first few "clicks" (as us professional runners call them) were taken up enjoying the atmosphere with Joe and JB. I think we all secretly wished this nightmare would end shortly and the cheerful conversation started to dwindle at mile 3. In the meantime, the Kenyan guy who eventually won the race, Simon Tonui, came through on his second lap. Quite amazing. "Si" was one of the best running pupils I ever had. Good to see him again; albeit briefly. My right leg went dead soon after Mile 3 and I had to sort myself out and it appeared my shoe laces were tied too tight as my right foot had gone porcelain white with very little blood-flow getting to my toes - err, MEDIC! That was the last I saw of JB but I saw Joe and Vicks a little later in the run. Really the main bulk of the run was under my own steam but it was good to catch-up with Kirt, Hillsy and few of the others, as we all trudged our way round. Hillsy was obviously in a little bit of pain but was very determined with the bit very much between his teeth obviously. I left him behind after a while, under duress, reminiscent of a scene from a very run-of-the-mill, Vietnam war film.

JH - "Go, ..go on, leave me Man, don't worry about me (cough)".
MW - "I won't leave you in this state..I won't..",
JH - "I'll be OK, arrggh, just tell everyone that, aarrggh....that...." ,
MW - "Just keep going, take it easy, drink, take on fluid"
JH - "I'll, I'll......arggh....tell ma folks.....tell them...aaagghhhh."
MW - "Hiiiilllllssseeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..........."

With that he was swallowed up by a wave of runners made up of Scooby-Doo, Batman and Robin, 4 guys wearing pink Tutu's tied together, a Rhinoceros, a bloke that looked as though he was about to blow-up, a group of OAP's and other more normal runners with inappropriate shorts. I didn't see him again.

As I neared the 13 mile mark is became apparent that the heat had become too much for some and, having never done anything like this before, it was weird and a little disturbing jumping over strewn bodies of people under heat blankets and attended to by the ambulance services, lying in their own waste. Very similar to Stevenage town centre on a Friday night I mulled, and no less unpleasant. More surprisingly was that I wasn't one of them. The last few miles I had to take easy and I had to walk on and off. My legs were basically done in every joint-zone and the arches of my feet were becoming very painful. My ankle is still relatively painful and I will be starting to lay off the hard-core running / training now. The trip is too close and a bad ankle will make my trip very unpleasant indeed. This, for me, was the big one. I'm not finished but I am conscious that we should be aware of keeping injury at bay.

I think all those that did manage to run on Sunday managed a great achievement and more importantly we all did it without having to call on the emergency services. A list below of runners from the Everest Test and times. G-Man and Charlie C (freaks) nailing it about 1hr 30min. Unbelievable really. No particular order and (p) stands for those wearing kit.

Richard Kirtley (p) (2:21)
Jonathan Hill (p) (2:25)
Lucy Brooks (2:19)
Helen Curr (2:18)
Alex Fudakowska (2:18)
Vicks Nicholson (2:25)
Jules Staveley (2:02)
Joe Williams (2:25)
Ben Jarman (1:51)
Chris Martin (1:51)
Gareth Lewis (1:33)
Charlie Campbell (1:38)
Racing Snake (2:18)
James Butler (2:13)
Glen Lowis (p) (2:17)
Russell De Beer(p) (2:17)

Friends of the trip:

The General (1:48)
Iain Curr (2:17)
Will Hanson (1:46)
Laura Hewitt (2:19)
Charlie Perrin (2:24)
Laura Bridges (1:55)

And so it was that my first Half Marathon was completed. I was in pain sure, but I wasn't dead and even I experienced a funny voice in my head that said something like; "let's do it again, someday". I think I may have answered verbally, like a wierdo you keep well away from on the tube, with "Shut up, Idiot" or something like that. Only a few people turned to look at me but it could be blamed on heat-stroke and I hope the "lets do it again" feeling passes. I received my "much looked forward to" goody bag which consisted of a T-Shirt (too big), a small, unsubstantial cereal bar, some sort Granola bar that tasted much like I imagine a diving board would, some T-Bags (I forgot to take my kettle running though so in this instance proved to completely useless), some cranberry jam (which didn't prove all that handy after the race surprisingly either), and a meddle with no mention of Bath anywhere on it - no family bucket, no lager, no painkillers.

But the T-Shirt is proof enough.

The atmosphere of the day was terrific and Bath is such a great place; even if it is to run around in it. If I was going to do this sort of ridiculous activity, Bath would be where I would want to do it. The crowds were great and really cheered you on, Abi and my kids apparentely cheered me on (I never saw them), and Cuzza shouting something like "Come on you Fat .........................." in the home straight. It was all great to hear and all really concentrated the mind in just getting to the finish line and getting this preposterous activity over with.

Long story but I drove home after the race; a good 3.5 hours, with my eldest particularly enjoying the standstill traffic for 45 minutes just to get out of Bath city centre and inventing a game called "More Tea!" whereby Mummy and Daddy had to recount every item of edible food ever found to the same tune as "The Wheels On The Bus...".

So, , "Toast on the Bus goes round and round; round and round;.. round and round, etc"..........."More Tea!" Err, "Eggs on the bus, go round and round; round and round, ..round and round"......."More Tea!".........Err, Err ..Um "Meddalion of Pork on the bus, goes round and round; round and round...round and ffing round"..............etc, you get the idea. Head-Split.

This lasted from the M4 junction at Bath up until she got into bed at home. Enough was enough for a Sunday.

So two days later, the fog has lifted a little and the pain is subsiding, ... just. The start of the trip is seriously so close now and after these fitness milestones it's now, hopefully, all mustard from here up until the 9th April. The next date is the farewell party on Thursday and that should be a great night with good mates coming see a little more about what it's all about;.....and some free booze of course.

To my readers in Cambodia, I will pass on details of the logistics of the trip after our final trip meeting on the 28th.

Keep you posted.

Friday 13 March 2009

Hard Yakka and Yakking Hard

Another eventful week draws to an end and we get ever closer to April 9th.

Last weekend saw the Tenzing Machine roll-up together for another fine tuning session in Dulwich. Cardio nets, shuttle-running and a general "get-together" to make sure that we, as a group, had thought about everything before April gets too close. Many thanks to Mike Preston for hosting the day on Sunday and for arranging the facilities at Dulwich College.

SatNav guided me into Dulwich quite beautifully and I reached the front door of Mike's one up, one down , high-rise, local authority maisonette in about 1 hour 30 minutes; not a bad run all things considered. The team promptly changed and we filled our ruck-sacks full of as much cricket equipment as we could find and set off for a "light" run to Dulwich College where the Sports Hall was all Tenzing's for the next two hours. The light run consisted of two 1:3 hills which had immediate effects on the legs, breathing and all round running enthusiasm and this was followed by a hard session of "breathless-nets" with considerable amounts of shuttle-running for both bowlers and batsmen, leg-strength work and basically all over body-abuse mixed in with the usual nets format. The quicker bowlers were instructed to come off much smaller runs; a matter of a couple of paces really and the batsman told to work hard at not getting out and getting used to the helmets and body armour they may not be as used to. Tenzing showed its collective teeth with some aggressive bowling, a bit of chin symphony and short stuff thrown down and the batsman showed dogged determination about not giving their wicket away. Wickets came by good balls and not rank shots; a good sign that we are not treating the game lightly and that everyone was really applying themselves. A little bit of light ground fielding to let off a bit of steam and throw some hard balls at those backing the throws up, finished our session. I think most of us were fairly well rinsed after two hours. Then JC turned up.

A quick run back saw us arrive at Mike's just as the wonderful view of London disappeared behind a cloud of utter shite and the BBQ I don't think ever got lit. One small niggle of the day was the lack of food when we got back to Mike's; just a small bowl of indistinguishable nuts is all I managed to scrape together; no meat of any description, no potatoes, not even salad, sweet f8ck all, basically.

Seriously, Mike and his wife could have built an extension with the amount of food they produced for us. Quite brilliant and mucho thanks again.

A wonderfully easy drive back home at at about 6pm, having not been sent completely the wrong way at all by the car's navigation system. It definitely didn't take me over an hour to get across the river. I certainly wasn't stuck in The City for about 40 minutes and I absolutely wanted to go towards Whitechapel and Stansted Airport. There's always a plus side; I saw the Tower of London.......twice and I just got back in time for my wife to produce what from the oven?............................................................................................meat.

Tuesday night saw me sit my much anticipated Umpires Exam. I met up with with the group at Letchworth CC and found out that there had been a room clash with about 100 runners having taken up the usual room. I therefore had to sit the exam in Letchworth CC's Second Eleven changing room. Nice. Being very experienced in cricket changing room shenanigans over the years and didn't want to know what was on the walls, on my seat or why my foot was stuck to the lino. However, we made the best out of a bad job and we walked through the exam, question by bloody question for nearly 2 hours. 75 questions in total, 60 right for a pass. First question..................ahhh, bollocks.
My heart sank. You know an LBW when you see one but why is it out.....................ahhh, bollocks. My heart just kept getting lower. However, a few questions like the one's on no-balls, wides, hard drinking games and famous streakers made me think that this might be OK. I've bowled enough no-balls in my time (16 in one match I seem to remember) to know when a ball is good or not. I've also played and lost enough drinking games to know when a Fuzzy Duck is a Ducky Fuzz (does he?), that 19, 20, 21 is Drink, Please, Thankyou and Whizz just carries on, Bounce misses the next person and Boing bounces back. Pay attention. Long story short, 62 right or 83% achieved which constitutes a pass in my book, as well as the ECB's. Job Done...just. I just hope, in some respects, that I'm not called upon to don the coat on the mountain as the game itself is my aim. I'm glad I've done it though and I look forward to discussing to rudiments of acceptable sledging and what my favourite boiled sweet is over a half of weak bitter with my "colleague", during the next cricket season.

The Bath Half is two days away now. My ankle is still uncomfortable but my Doctor thinks my pain is just bruising and not anything more serious. I would be lying if a little part of me, deep down, didn't squeak out a little "......damn", when the diagnosis was given. I feel that I should give it a go and if the pain gets too high or the interest gets too low, then I have given it a bash. So close to "lift-off" I do not want to risk anything now and the thought of having a painful ankle walking up to Everest isn't worth thinking about. I can always do the Bath Half next year.

No, I wasn't convinced by that either.

As a foot-note it was interesting to watch the Comic Relief team walk up Kilimanjaro last night. Very interesting to see who reacted in what way to the altitude and to see what the best way to combat it was. Chris Moyles breezed it with Ferne Cotton looking like shit for most of the way up. But all made it - the speed of their walking in some instances was comically slow but this is obviously how to ride this out. It gave me a really good insight into what we may experience - the sensation of being drunk, the head getting tighter, the need for water, and of paramount of importance was the need for a very slow approach and a sunny outlook. Some days it will be shit but the rewards will be well worth it and the obvious sense of achievement felt by these guys, who incidentally had only been training for just 6 months, was obvious to see.

Friday 6 March 2009

Bricking It...........................

13 miles...............................

Shit.

I haven't been able to think about much else, I'll be honest. This is the one thing that looms over my Everest trip, like a vampire bat that's about to drop onto my head - (what?...?!, sorry). This is the final hurdle that I need to get over before I can savour the excitement leading up to our departure in just over a month. The Everest Test has a great turn-out for the Bath Half which is amazing considering that most of us would rather cut our arms off with a cricket bat than run 13 miles. I understand that the field will be over 8000. I've never come last place in a field of 8000 before but y'know, there's always a first time.

I even have dreams.

Great Pulteney Street. The last remaining loaming of daylight.

The road sweepers finishing up for the day and leaning up against their brooms and having a pull on their rolled up fags. Another fantastic race; over for another year, they say to themselves. The pubs lining the route are full of cheerful runners and supporters, all pretty well greased now and enjoying the camaraderie of race day. Singing boisterous songs with celebratory arms round each other, raising their glasses to the Gods of Half Marathons and singing predictable songs like Sweet Chariot. Then the sound of very heavy; heavingly heavy breathing; more like a rumble. Like that bit in Jurassic Park when the big lizard hasn't turned up and the cup of water goes all rippley. Then the sound of water bottle tables being up-turned and the flocks of Starling taking flight from their evening roost. 

A violent, wheezing sound now; a broken, unholy sound that reminds one of a Boeing 747 backfiring whilst taxiing in Wookey Hole. There. The silhouette of single, final and very lonely "runner", clutching at anything he can to make it up the final straight to the unmanned finishing line. Literally dragging himself by the lips along the final straight.  The timer was turned off ages ago; Timex don't make a watch that goes up that high.  All of a sudden the pubs spill out onto Gt Pulteney Street and picking up any old rubbish they can find, everyone hurls it -  plastic bottles, banana skins, shoes, small animals, kitchen appliances; everything - at my head; the old, ginger, fat-head for being too crap, too slow and basically far too pale for any form of competitive sport.

I then wake up, bolt upright, dripping in sweat; guts wrenching as if on a herring trawler. Similar to the feeling of having just had a lamb madras from the Raj Douth in Hitchin - http://www.rajdouth.com
You'll just have to trust me on that.



I've been reading a few of the online reviews about the Bath Half on websites such as "I Love Running" and "Aaaahhhhh, Pain Monthly" and it had a review section that I had a shufty at.

Comments such as .........

- "the Bath Half course is really quite a fast course; much better than the Amsterdam Half Marathon LOL :), and that a PB is well on the cards :0)"

and,

- "not one to gripe but there was a 1/2 second discrepancy between my watch and the official race timer. Not Happy. Ggrr :( ." .............T:)at.

Also,

- "Nice start, nice finish but two lap format made it somewhat boring" - Perhaps "Bored of Slough" should have juggled miniature poodles round the course maybe or run it whilst drinking a glass of water singing "I Shot the Sherriff".

as well as,

- " A PB, crowd cheering you on and even a band to keep your spirits up. Plenty of Drink stations and plenty of drinks for everyone. (Hurray - ed.)

in addition to,

- "The corner at the end of the start straight is quite tight and so there is some fun and games :)Then it's on to the rest of the course. The change going around Queen square was positive and I personally liked not going around the estate. (Full of pikey's, I'd expect) The crowd were so good and the weather was even good. Slight wind but that's what you get around bath :( I got my PB and so liked it, I am entering Bristol and see how it compares. (Probably should have stopped after the second time round Bath, to be honest).

Finally,

- "The goody bag at the end was top notch." If its anything short of containing Valium, lager and a Family Bucket, I will be disappointed.

This run for these guys will be over in just over an hour.

I will be lucky to make it round with both my legs still under my arse in 5 hours, to be honest.

Week on Sunday.

Shit.