Bricking It...........................

13 miles...............................

Shit.

I haven't been able to think about much else, I'll be honest. This is the one thing that looms over my Everest trip, like a vampire bat that's about to drop onto my head - (what?...?!, sorry). This is the final hurdle that I need to get over before I can savour the excitement leading up to our departure in just over a month. The Everest Test has a great turn-out for the Bath Half which is amazing considering that most of us would rather cut our arms off with a cricket bat than run 13 miles. I understand that the field will be over 8000. I've never come last place in a field of 8000 before but y'know, there's always a first time.

I even have dreams.

Great Pulteney Street. The last remaining loaming of daylight.

The road sweepers finishing up for the day and leaning up against their brooms and having a pull on their rolled up fags. Another fantastic race; over for another year, they say to themselves. The pubs lining the route are full of cheerful runners and supporters, all pretty well greased now and enjoying the camaraderie of race day. Singing boisterous songs with celebratory arms round each other, raising their glasses to the Gods of Half Marathons and singing predictable songs like Sweet Chariot. Then the sound of very heavy; heavingly heavy breathing; more like a rumble. Like that bit in Jurassic Park when the big lizard hasn't turned up and the cup of water goes all rippley. Then the sound of water bottle tables being up-turned and the flocks of Starling taking flight from their evening roost. 

A violent, wheezing sound now; a broken, unholy sound that reminds one of a Boeing 747 backfiring whilst taxiing in Wookey Hole. There. The silhouette of single, final and very lonely "runner", clutching at anything he can to make it up the final straight to the unmanned finishing line. Literally dragging himself by the lips along the final straight.  The timer was turned off ages ago; Timex don't make a watch that goes up that high.  All of a sudden the pubs spill out onto Gt Pulteney Street and picking up any old rubbish they can find, everyone hurls it -  plastic bottles, banana skins, shoes, small animals, kitchen appliances; everything - at my head; the old, ginger, fat-head for being too crap, too slow and basically far too pale for any form of competitive sport.

I then wake up, bolt upright, dripping in sweat; guts wrenching as if on a herring trawler. Similar to the feeling of having just had a lamb madras from the Raj Douth in Hitchin - http://www.rajdouth.com

You'll just have to trust me on that.

I've been reading a few of the online reviews about the Bath Half on websites such as "I Love Running" and "Aaaahhhhh, Pain Monthly" and it had a review section that I had a shufty at.

Comments such as .........

- "the Bath Half course is really quite a fast course; much better than the Amsterdam Half Marathon LOL :), and that a PB is well on the cards :0)"

and,

- "not one to gripe but there was a 1/2 second discrepancy between my watch and the official race timer. Not Happy. Ggrr :( ." .............T:)at.

Also,

- "Nice start, nice finish but two lap format made it somewhat boring" - Perhaps "Bored of Slough" should have juggled miniature poodles round the course maybe or run it whilst drinking a glass of water singing "I Shot the Sherriff".

as well as,

- " A PB, crowd cheering you on and even a band to keep your spirits up. Plenty of Drink stations and plenty of drinks for everyone. (Hurray - ed.)

in addition to,

- "The corner at the end of the start straight is quite tight and so there is some fun and games :)Then it's on to the rest of the course. The change going around Queen square was positive and I personally liked not going around the estate. (Full of pikey's, I'd expect) The crowd were so good and the weather was even good. Slight wind but that's what you get around bath :( I got my PB and so liked it, I am entering Bristol and see how it compares. (Probably should have stopped after the second time round Bath, to be honest).

Finally,

- "The goody bag at the end was top notch." If its anything short of containing Valium, lager and a Family Bucket, I will be disappointed.

This run for these guys will be over in just over an hour.

I will be lucky to make it round with both my legs still under my arse in 5 hours, to be honest.

Week on Sunday.

Shit.